Crashing Realization # 1: Disecting my favorite quote

I have always been a fan of quotes, ones that are simplistic and yet so mind boggingly powerful when one actually sits and fathoms it. One that forces you to just stop and think, one that potentially shatters your reality or worse… inspires you to be greater (forgive my cynism, and slightly jaded nature, I am really not like this in person, I am allowed to let go of it in my writing, bare with me). Anyways… I can remember the day exactly when I heard and immediately fell in love with my favorite quote by one George Bernard Shaw, it states quite simply:

“There are two tragedies in life: one is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.”

I was actually watching One Tree Hill (one of those teeny drama shows on The CW and one of my ultimate guilty pleasures) and at the end of the show that quote was spoken by one of the main characters (whose name escapes me for now). I was in 6th form, preparing for my ‘wonderfully perfect college life’ that was before me (note the quotations, that is to hint sarcasm, just so you know).  No quote IN MY LIFE had ever struck me so much and in that very moment, shattered me to my very core (and quite frankly, I am definitely not kidding).

It hit me in an instant why losing one’s heart’s desire can be a horrible thing. I could only fathom at the moment (and later I would experience), how utterly destructive losing your heart’s desire can be, whether it be a person or a dream…. I have had such an occurance happen to me twice, in two most trecherous ways. The first way was having it ripped from me in an instant, so fast that it took me a while to come to terms what exactly had just happen to take from me what I thought I was so close to attain. However this was a far easier way to lose one’s heart’s desire I think than the second way… in the first instance it is like quickly ripping off a bandaid which results in an instantaneous rush of pain. My second experience was all the worse… the bandaid was slowly and painfully pulled off (hair being pulled in the process as well as irritation of the wound underneath). It was a slow, painful process of more or less watching while my own heart’s desire slowly but surely fade away. Its a fate that I would not (well maybe I would) wish on my greatest enemy, its a long torturous process, filled with a roller coaster of emotions of hope and hopelessness, ultimately culminating in the ultimate destruction of… well… a number of stuff in one’s life (I know, your probably thinking that I can find far more descriptive words in my rather wide vocabulary to illustrate what I mean… quite frankly though I find words such as stuff and thingie are universal in their usage). But yeah… having heart’s desire taken from you = bad. having heart’s desire taken from you slowly while you are cognitive of it = torture!

Now… I asked myself and this is what completely caused me to have a mini breakdown as a 17 year old in high school when I answered this question… How can gaining one’s heart desire be a tragedy? But then it ocurred to me… What if I truly gain my heart’s desire? As in all of my heart’s desire!?!? What then? What is there to aim for after you gain your heart’s desire? One might say you can replace it. But speaking from the perspective of someone who lost his heart’s desire, I can say that there is no replacing it. And then what if you gain it and learn that, quite frankly, its not as great as your expectations had led you to believe? So at that junction I came to fear ever actually realising my heart’s desires… for fear of the thereafter….

So now I am at a juntion in my life…. What to do? Which is the lesser of two evils? Getting it my heart’s desire or losing them…. I have already lost a few…. And sad to say I think I am a better person for it (I think….In some odd weird… jaded way I am)…. It have taught me how to deal and helped to allow me to come to crashing realisation # 2: The world is actually not fair (look out for that by next week latest). I have reserved myself to believing that its best to be in constant pursuit of your heart’s desire (the beauty is in the chase I find…. I came to that realisation after chasing a particular girl and after getting her it was… yeah…. lasted about a week basically), being hopeful of actually acheiving it but never truly recieving it.

Next Crashing Realiztion:
Crashing Relaization # 2: The World is Not Actually Fair